oulder, CO – Looks like a would-be car thief forgot the first rule of Fight Club: never steal a car you can’t drive [NOT REALLY A RULE OF FIGHT CLUB].
This past Friday afternoon, Boulder Police were called to a scene of aquatic mayhem after a stolen truck plowed into a fire hydrant. Witnesses pointed them towards a hapless suspect who, it turns out, had just been released from jail for a similar offense.
Apparently, after her release, the woman spotted the unattended truck with the keys conveniently dangling in the ignition. Easy pickings, right? Wrong. Our joyriding heroine wasn’t exactly a gearhead, and when faced with the intricacies of a manual transmission, her criminal career stalled faster than a clutch on a hill [LEARN TO DRIVE A STICK!].
Unable to decipher the third pedal mystery…
Unable to decipher the third pedal mystery, the frustrated thief hopped out and attempted a pedestrian escape. Unfortunately for her getaway plans (and the fire hydrant), the truck, in a move of automotive self-preservation, decided to take a joyride of its own, careening into the aforementioned hydrant before coming to a rest.
Thankfully, nobody was hurt, and the truck was returned to its bewildered owner. The would-be carjacker, on the other hand, earned herself a not-so-complimentary ride to the station and a laundry list of charges, including felony theft and, perhaps most ironically, careless driving.
Moral of the story? Learn to drive stick. It’s not just a valuable life skill, it’s apparently a surprisingly effective anti-theft device.
